Silenced

Writing for me has always been an outlet. I was a shy and awkward little girl and found it easier to put my feelings on paper instead of voicing them. Maybe it was because I feared being rejected or making someone angry. Paper is not opinionated, so I could freely express my thoughts or feelings. From journaling, to writing essays in school, reports, poetry or just me sitting in my room practicing my handwriting skills, I enjoyed it all. Writing, I believe, can change and save lives. Being in an isolated situation in my own life led me to this conclusion.  Had I not written a journal during that time, who knows where else my emotions would have taken me. Journaling kept me sane. The paper I wrote on made me feel heard, not silenced.

            The most important thing that I ever wrote would be a journal that helped me through a difficult time in my life. That journal included a series of what I like to call lost poetry. I started the journal in the year 2006, the year I lost my father. Everything from that moment felt like a landslide out of my control, loss for the next decade surrounded me. The only outlet that I could find that gave me any type of comfort or release of my bottled-up feelings was writing. I started a journal which included normal journal entries and poetry. The kind of poetry that when it was read it was felt. After a long ten years I finally broke free of my misery and left my abusive relationship that I was in along with my pages of poetry in that journal of despair. I would no longer let that part of my life hold me back from my talents or my purpose in life. No longer would I be silenced.

            In my walk in this life, my path has led me here. Achieving many goals that I have set for myself during these last few years has given me a much-needed boost of confidence. Having always the feeling of being drawn toward reading and writing, I am very curious as to how far I can go with writing. Often, I have thought about writing a biography or a testimony of some sort and dismissed that thought as quick as it came. What I lack in skill and knowledge I hope to take a class and be pointed in the direction I need to proceed forward toward that goal. And when I reach that goal, I will be without a doubt unsilenced forever.

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